my journey through breast cancer treatment

It’s taken me 15 months to get up and running, but I guess it’s never too late for a good thing, right?  I hope this is a good thing.  With National Breast Cancer Awareness Month -  October -  just around the corner, it’s rather fitting that I get this site off the ground now, finally!  I have had a heck of a journey over the last year+ since my breast cancer diagnosis.  I’ve learned a lot since going through breast cancer treatment that I want to share.  I wish I had had someone like me to talk to and learn from when I was going through my treatment and surgeries and complications…

So here I am, a 15 month breast cancer survivor at 38 years old.  Like I said above, the lessons I have learned along my journey have been great and trying.  I know that every cancer is different, as is every person, so the diagnosis and treatment options are so varied – but still, there are a lot of details that cancer patients going through treatment will share.  My hope is that my story will touch someone, be that a cancer patient or someone who knows someone who is, and it will help them in some way.

I didn’t keep a written journal throughout this whole journey (now I wish I had!), but I did start one when I was first diagnosed.  I will be taking excerpts from that journal, and I will be taking things from my memory and my heart and I will start from the beginning – starting with the next post.

I welcome any comments or questions you may have and will do my best to answer every one.

Final thought:  Breast Cancer Awareness Month starts in a few days (October) – throw a “Think Pink Party” to remind all your girlfriends to get their annual mammograms.  If not yet getting mammograms, then remember to do your breast self-exams – it’s what saved my life!

Tags: 01. Intro // 4 Comments »

June 27, 2008:  About 3 weeks ago, while showering, I felt a lump in my left breast.  At first I thought nothing of it because I’ve always had dense, lumpy nodules.  I felt it again and thought to myself “Well, this feels different than any other lump I’ve felt before.”  It was hard and round; it felt kind of like a marble and it moved around quite a bit.  I suddenly felt scared.  I got out of the shower and had my husband feel it.  He immediately told me to call the doctor.

When I went to the breast care clinic, the nurse I saw told me that it moves too much to be a tumor and that it’s probably just a cyst.  She said that many women my age (37) get cysts.  She stressed the part about it moving too much to be a tumor.  I felt at ease; my panic was gone.  She also said that I should go ahead and schedule a mammogram, though, just to be safe.

And so I scheduled a mammogram, but for a couple weeks away since I didn’t think it was very urgent and I had to figure out who was going to babysit my daughters (1- and 2-years old at the time) while I went for the mammogram.  The date came and I went in for the x-ray and they told me that they saw something questionable, so they’d like to do an ultrasound.  They tried to make it sound like it was no big deal, but my heart started racing.  Not at all what I expected – I was sure, based on the reassurances I had gotten from the nurse at the breast care clinic, that I was going to be told it was a cyst.

The ultrasound confirmed that there was definitely something there and it was not a cyst, and they wanted to do a biopsy.  It may be a tumor, but many women my age have fibroadenomas (benign tumors) and it may just be that, since that is more common in women my age than cancer.  The fear and tears came pouring out anyway.  I tried to call my husband but my cell phone didn’t get any reception.  This was not at all what I had expected this day to be like.

I came home feeling scared and anxious, even though I had been put at ease somewhat and truly expected to hear that it was a fibroadenoma.  I just wanted to hear the results and move on.  Five days later, I received the call – BAM!  Invasive Ductal Carcinoma with Lobular features, grade 3 breast cancer is what I was told; that was two days ago.  All I could say was “Oh my God, I’m 37 and I have cancer!”

The first couple of days I was so angry.  I kept thinking that I nursed both my babies for 14 months each and that’s supposed to help prevent breast cancer, damn it!  Of course, I nursed them because it was best for them, too, so I have no regrets, but dang it was I mad!

I’m better now.  I’m calm. I’m strong.  I will get through this.  NO WAY am I leaving my girls!  NO WAY!  NOT AN OPTION!  I feel otherwise normal; at times I feel like I should be crying but I’m not and that surprises me.  I just really want to make it through this, no more bad news please.  I don’t need any more on my plate right now.  I have to deal with cancer on top of the move, and packing, and house buying and all the other logistical details – WHY ME?

Someone out there has a plan for me and I really hope that it soon becomes clear to me – and I hope it’s good, because this is a hell of a test I’m being put through.

We are moving across country in six weeks and I still have to pack up our house, but now I have to decide what type of surgery I want to have in a week – lumpectomy or mastectomy.  How do I decide??

Tags: 02. Breast Cancer Diagnosis // Add Comment »

June 28, 2008:  So today we met with the surgeon.  She was nice and pretty straight forward, as you would expect a surgeon-type to be.  I’m amazed at what I’ve learned in the last two days.  Basically, I need to decide if I want a lumpectomy or a mastectomy.  It’s stupid to even think of it this way, but a mastectomy would mean breast reconstruction, or implant – and I can’t possibly be left with one perky boob and one sagging one!  But the surgeon said that I would have the choice to do both – two new perky boobs!  I know this is not a priority, survival is, but might as well get something good from something bad, right?

According to the surgeon, the survivability of both mastectomy and lumpectomy is the same.  Lumpectomy is easiest and quickest, with a 10% recurrence chance vs. 3% with mastectomy.  Since I’m only a b-cup, a lumpectomy will probably really affect my breast’s appearance – especially when it starts caving in like the surgeon said it might after 6-12 months.

The surgeon said I will need radiation therapy if I have the lumpectomy, as well as hormone therapy (probably Tamoxifen) for 5 years.  With mastectomy, no radiation is necessary, unless it turns out that there’s lymph node involvement.

I’ve been very optimistic at each step with this and have been kicked in the ass twice now, which is starting to make it hard to remain optimistic.  But, as they say, the third time’s a charm – or something like that – right?  I’m speaking of the lymph node involvement.  I pray that my lymph nodes are all negative for the presence of cancer.  This is the third huge step and it has to be a good outcome this time!

I think I’m going to go with the lumpectomy.  It seems to make the most sense.  I just want the surgery quickly so I can get it out of me before it grows any more.  I want to finish packing and get to or new home, or what I’m hoping will be our new home.  I don’t know how long short sales take, but the bank is taking its time getting back to us about our offer – c’mon, stop making us suffer!

That’s all I can handle for today.

Tags: 03. First Visit with Breast Surgeon // Add Comment »